How to Quiet Your Inner Critic in 7 Easy Steps



Your private dialogues with yourself can either be a tremendous stepping stone or a big roadblock to achieving your objectives. You won't appear comfortable and friendly if your inner monologue repeats phrases like "I'm going to embarrass myself" or "No one is going to talk to me" as you go into a cocktail party. If you're thinking to yourself, "I'll never get this job," in the middle of an interview, you'll find it difficult to present yourself confidently. Those pessimistic predictions might easily become a self-fulfilling prophecy.

So what should you do? Take the following steps immediately to silence the inner critic before it's too late.

01-Develop an awareness of your thoughts-You are constantly giving logical and rational meaning and interpretations to events, and experiences happening in your life. The mental interpretations happen mostly in the subconscious mind, and so it's not uncommon to be oblivious of them. You will need to consciously interrogate the thoughts and grade them based on how true or false they are. Understand that just because you think something, it doesn't imply it's real. Most often than not, the thoughts in our minds turn out to be exaggerated, prejudiced, and disproportionate.

(See my previous article (The 10 Thinking Mistakes That Will Ruin Your Life).

02. Stop ruminating. -Rumination is the act of thinking about the same thoughts over and over again, usually sad or unpleasant ones. Rumination is bad for your mental health since it prolongs or intensifies depression and impairs your capacity to reason and process emotions. Accept you are a human being. This comes with the territory. You have permission to make mistakes as many as you can, yet this does not diminish, discolor, your intrinsic worth, value and essence. Adopt a problem-solving approach that shifts the mental energy from falling in failure into learning from it. Ruminating is a choice you make to mentally replay a past problem, mess, or mistake rather than learning from and solving a problem.

Don't waste time telling yourself, "Don't think about that," while you're pondering rather than actively problem-solving. You're more inclined to focus on something if you try to avoid thinking about it. Instead, divert your attention to something else – such as going for a walk, tidying your desk, or conversing about something entirely unrelated – and interrupt the critical thoughts before they spiral out of control.


03- Ask yourself what advice you’d give to a friend-What would you tell a friend who just messed up and comes to you for advice? Would you be guilt trip and shame him/her? Would you lecture them on how reckless and careless she/he was to act that way? Probably not! Naturally, we are so compassionate, empathetic, and gentle to others than we are to ourselves. The rule of thumb is to love your neighbor as you do yourself. The starting point is being compassionate, gentle, and patient with you, especially when you mess up. Next, you mess up, don't let the inner critic turn against you. Instead, part yourself on the back and assure yourself to err is human, and to forgive is divine. Choose the latter. Be divine by forgiving yourself.

04-Examine the evidence-Examining data from all sides of the reality might help you think more rationally and less emotionally about the subject. Get better at noticing when your critical thoughts are exaggeratedly negative. For instance, if you think leaving a toxic working place would mean eternal joblessness, consider others who took the step you are just about to take and got a better job, against those who never got a job again? You are likely to find out there is more evidence supporting what you are about to, than against. The best practice is to do this; Make a straight line along the center of a sheet of paper. On one side, make a list of all the evidence that backs up your claim. On the other hand, make a list of all the evidence to the contrary.

05-Replace overly critical thoughts with more accurate statements. Convert a gloomy assertion into a more sensible and realistic one. Replace the phrase "I never do anything perfectly" with something more balanced, such as "Sometimes I do things extremely well and sometimes I don't." Respond with the more correct remark every time you catch yourself contemplating an exaggeratedly negative notion.

06-Consider how bad it would be if your thoughts were true-It's all too easy to see a minor error developing into a major disaster. However, the worst-case scenario isn't always as horrible as we think. For example, if you think you're going to humiliate yourself during a presentation, consider how horrible that would truly be. Would you be able to recover if you embarrassed yourself, or do you believe it would be the end of your career? Reminding yourself that you can manage difficult situations or challenges boosts your confidence and reduces the onslaught of anxious thoughts.

07-7. Balance acceptance with self-improvement.-There's a difference between telling yourself that you're not good enough all of the time and reminding yourself that you can improve. Accept your defects as they are, but resolve to work on the problems you wish to solve. You can do both at the same time, which may seem paradoxical.

Accepting that you are anxious in social circumstances but simultaneously deciding to grow more comfortable with public speaking is a viable option. Accepting your flaws for what they are today does not imply that you have to keep them. Recognize that you have shortcomings, but resolve to stay a work in progress while you attempt to improve.

If you would like to have live chat with me to get interactive help silencing your negative inner critic, live to chat with me right away [Inside Out Live Chat]

No comments