How to Deal with a Toxic Mother -God's Way


Today we're going to talk about how to deal with a toxic mother. The mother-child relationship can be complicated. But what do you do when the woman who should nurture and support you is the source of your pain?

 First, let me be clear all mothers make mistakes. God knows I've made my fair share, but mistakes and character flaws are two very different things. A mother can be toxic to her child when her troublesome behavior becomes so deeply ingrained that she doesn't even realize the harm that she is causing.

Toxic mothers, have a way of never assuming responsibility, always putting all the blame on others, and manipulating and they disguise it by saying, I'm just trying to be a good mother. When this happens, even adult children are left terribly confused, they want so much to believe that their mothers are loving and nurturing, but what they get instead is an onslaught of accusations that leave them feeling devastated without being able to truly pinpoint why. 


Read: 14 Toxic Behaviours From A Toxic Mother

This list is in no way exhaustive. It's just a glimpse of the poor behaviors exhibited by toxic mothers who disguised themselves as good. So what do you do when you want to love your mother, but her toxic behavior is leaving you in desperate need of an antidote.

 When in doubt we look to the Bible. It teaches us many things, including five ways to deal with a toxic mother. Let's talk about them.

1. Grieve the loss. 

But she's still alive. You say well, that may be true but death is only one form of loss. Many with toxic mothers need to grieve the loss of a loving relationship with their mother as it will likely never be. Expecting it to change will likely only bring further heartache. Now I realize this can be painful to admit, but God is close to the brokenhearted and Psalm 27:10. He says, “Even if my mother and father abandoned me the Lord will hold me close. 

2. Forgive 

Whether your mother knows her behavior is toxic or not. Forgiveness is not for her, it's for you. For one it keeps you in, God's will, and secondly, it releases you from carrying that burden. If Jesus could forgive people, He didn't know for something so horrific as nailing him to a cross, we too can forgive others for their toxic behavior. Jesus said, Father, forgive them for they do not know what they're doing. Just remember that because you forgive you don't need to automatically trust. You can forgive. But still have boundaries.

3. Get healing. 

Your mother's toxic behavior is not a reflection of you, even though it may have left you with deep emotional wounds, it shouldn't define you. Your identity should be in Christ, not in the unrealistic, expectations of others. Ephesians, 2:10 says that for we are God's handiwork created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do. 

4. Set Realistic, Expectations. 

During your healing journey, you will likely get healthier but this does not mean that your mother will change, be prayerful that she does, but the Bible says, in Proverbs, 13:12 “Hope deferred makes the heart sick. 

When someone shows you who they are, you would be wise to believe them. Pray that she is open to allowing God to change her but in the meantime don't expect her behavior to change overnight. If there's been no repentance, there will be no change. 

5. Set boundaries 

Boundaries indicate where one person ends and the other begins. The fact that this woman is your mother does not give her the right to overstep your boundaries. And boundaries will look different for each person. for some learning how to declare their needs is all that's needed. for others, 


Read Also  5 TIPS On Deal with a TOXIC parent.

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