Personal Boundaries Exercise

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 The guidelines, rules, or limits we create to identify reasonable, safe, permissible ways for other people to conduct themselves when with us are called personal boundaries.

Assignment 01: Explain what you understand by the following terminologies as used in the definition above.

1. Reasonable 

2. Safe

3. Permissible

Personal boundaries also capture how we respond when someone steps over the guidelines and consequences of their actions that we impose.


 What motivates us to create personal boundaries is a mix of conclusions, beliefs, opinions, attitudes, and past experiences we have had in dealing with others.


Assignement03: Looking at your past and the experiences you have been through, what:

1. Conclusions based on your past would influence you to establish personal boundaries?


2. What beliefs influenced or could influence you to establish personal boundaries?


3. Describe the ATTITUDE(S) you have used or use to establish personal boundaries?


4. Looking at your past personal experiences in dealing with other people–share some of them as a basis to establish personal boundaries?


We do tend to know what it feels like when someone crosses the line with us, even if we don’t know exactly what a personal boundary is.


 When you had to say no to helping out a friend move because you were going to be out of town, they make you feel guilty about you going on vacation.

 

Or, when that girlfriend teases you about a time that you were stood up on a blind date and you try to laugh it off instead of sticking up for yourself and tell her the comment hurt your feelings. When we feel betrayed or let down when a personal boundary has been crossed.

Assignement:03 Can you remember a time when your personal boundary was crossed like in instances highlighted above?

Setting boundaries is a way of caring for myself. It doesn’t make me mean, selfish, or uncaring (just) because I don’t do things your way. I care about me, too. ~ Christine Morgan


Assignement05: In what way did you relate with others in the past that demonstrate a lack of self-care? Illustrate below.


WHY ITS IMPORTANT TO SET BOUNDARIES

Personal boundaries are vital for us to thrive and be in healthy relationships. 

 What leads to success in relationships is communicating our needs and desires clearly and succinctly without fear of repercussions. Personal boundaries facilitate us to communicate our needs and desires effectively.


Assignement06:Looking at your past relationships are there moments you felt you needed were not met?

It is also used to set limits so that others don’t take advantage of us or are allowed to hurt us. It is a way for us to practice self-care and self-respect.


Assignement07: Looking at the past relationship(s), do you remember when your ‘Kindness’ took advantage of? What is was the specific instance?

With unhealthy boundaries, we lose self-respect as we go against our values to please others. We keep giving of ourselves and yet feel like when we ask for help we are ignored. 


Allowing others to determine what we like, where we are going, or who we are shows that we are allowing them to control us which are signs that we have unhealthy boundaries.


Another unhealthy boundary is expecting others to fill your needs. It’s no one’s responsibility to make you happy, just like you are not responsible for anyone else’s happiness. 


No one is responsible for the way your life situation currently is other than you. If you think differently, you give away your power to others and are not your authentic self.

Its no one's responsibility to make you happy other than your 24/7 Job

We don’t want to feel mistreated by others. Furthermore, we don’t want to give up our power to others and live a small life. So why don’t we set personal boundaries?

Assignement:08- Did you ever feel used by your friend(s), partner(s), or parent(s) in the past relationship(s) you had 

When we fail to set boundaries and hold people accountable, we feel used and mistreated. ~Brené Brown


WHY IT'S HARD TO SET PERSONAL BOUNDARIES


We all put other peoples’ needs and feelings before our own at some point in our lives, especially with our children


Setting boundaries isn’t selfish, it’s self-care. The guilt we feel is self-imposed based on fear, when we don’t help we will not be liked or someone will abandon us. 


This is the ego trying to keep you from possibly feeling bad in the future but the reality is that it’s a lie. If a person doesn’t like us for not helping them then they really weren’t our friend.


[REASON01]-We believe setting boundaries may jeopardize the relationship so we aren’t assertive in what is acceptable behavior. 


Boundaries aren’t meant to punish others; they are for our personal well-being and protection. We aren’t being rude or mean for not wanting your friends to kiss us every time we see them. But we fear any confrontation with them so we say nothing. This isn’t helpful to anyone. Our friends aren’t trying to make us feel uncomfortable so there is no harm in letting them know we would prefer a hug.

[REASON02]-Sometimes we haven’t learned to have healthy boundaries because we don’t know what our limits are. Or we believe boundaries need to be ridged and that there is no flexibility which isn’t the case. 


For example, we have stated to our friends that we prefer hugs to kisses and they are complying with the request. Then we are introduced to Leo who immediately kisses us on both cheeks. We’re quickly told that Leo is visiting from Paris and it is customary for the French people to kiss upon meeting. You are not upset and no boundary has been crossed because he is new and doesn’t know your preferences.


Givers need to set limits because takers rarely do. ~ Rachel Wolchin

 

“No,” is a complete sentence

The art of saying “no” is a hard skill to acquire. I was a people pleaser for years because I thought to have friends I needed to keep them happy, despite the harm it was doing to me. I said “yes” to taking on more responsibility even though I knew I didn’t have the time needed to do the task properly. I said “yes”, to giving more of myself to someone who did not deserve any more of me due to their horrible behavior toward me. We all do it at some point in our lives. We need to forgive ourselves and learn to forcefully say “no.”

When you say “yes” to something, and do not want to do the task, then you feel resentment. Bitterness towards the requester and anger at yourself for the task you are doing. Most people will procrastinate in doing the task that was committed to, instead of asserting themselves and clearly stating the complete sentence; no. Learning to say no, so that when you say yes there is no resentment, is how you know you are beginning to understand this concept of setting personal boundaries.

Half of the troubles of this life can be traced to saying yes too quickly and not saying no soon enough. ~ Josh Billings

Positive Outcomes of setting healthy personal boundaries

When we set healthy personal boundaries we begin to have improved self-confidence and a healthy self-concept. This occurs because we are confident in our responses to situations that arise. We are more in touch with the reality of each circumstance, not allowing our ego to cloud us with fear.

Our relationships improve because we are better able to communicate with others. We can clearly state what we want and what we don’t want. When we feel that we have more fulfilling relationships we also feel like we have more stability and control over our lives.

Being assertive about what you need is not being unkind. You can always stand up for yourself without hurting others. Using the words “I need” or I feel” and not pointing the finger at others, allows us to be assertive without offending someone.

Self-awareness and learning to be confident are the first steps in setting personal boundaries. It's self-care each time you say “no,” you are saying “yes” to yourself. It builds your self-esteem and self-concept to know that you are not being taken advantage of.

The difference between successful people and really successful people is that really successful people say ‘No’ to almost everything. ~Warren Buffett

As you become more aware and gain more self-confidence as you set personal boundaries you can adjust the course of your relationships.


2 comments:

  1. Welcome to 3L COACHING Program. I help my clients free the CREATIVE power of the mind to work for them and not against them. I help in the areas of emotional and mental disorders namely; depression, anxiety, and panic attacks.

    In this Exercise below we undertake to gauge your understanding of personal boundaries and their practicality in affecting the healthy and sanity in your relationships.

    ACTION: Reply under each of the Assignment shared in the comments section below.

    Yours: Coach Martin |EMail:emotiohealth@gmail.com |Whatsapp:+254 724 521603

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  2. Extract:(The guidelines, rules, or limits we create to identify reasonable, safe, permissible ways for other people to conduct themselves when with us are called personal boundaries.)

    Assignment 01: Explain what you understand by the following terminologies as used in the definition above.

    1. Reasonable

    2. Safe

    3. Permissible

    ReplyDelete