28 Question Free TEST to Ascertain your attachment style

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Attachment Theory is the single largest predictor of success in your relationships, whether they are romantic, familial or platonic. There are four types of Attachment Styles, all with different characteristics:

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  1. MULTIPLE ATTACHMENT STYLE TEST

    Take this quiz to determine your attachment style. Knowing your attachment style is the first step to creating more meaningful connections, feeling valued and developing more harmony in all of your relationships!

    Use Reply button to pick YES or NO for an Answer.

    Coach Martin

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  2. Q1) I can be very emotionally present with others (friends, family, partners, strangers), but it takes me a while to build trust and share vulnerable things about myself.(Answer YES Or NO) by clicking the reply button

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    1. I don't like opening to people because I fear being judged.

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    2. Yes superficially it can look like the fear of being judged is the reason you don't like opening up, but a deeper analysis will show that you were exposed and subjected to an unbalanced sense of perfection which made you feel that you are only lovable, or good to people when you are flawless.

      Now you are also expecting others to perform to that level of perfection which you cannot support by a flawless life.

      And so to maintain that right and hold others to that unrealistic standard of perfection, you have to cover your flows to the best of your ability.

      Unfortunately this comes with a cost. which is you make yourself unavailable for healthy and authentic relationships. You will always be found by those who will also pretend to meet your standards of perfection but because they want to get something from you. This creates a vicious cycle for you that puts you into trouble of broken relationships all the time.

      You must begin getting to the bottom of those unrealistic sense of perfection and replace it with realistic sense of perfection which primarily acknowledges that no human being is flawless.

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  3. Q2) I often put other people in my life on a big pedestal. (Partner, friends, family)

    Answer YES or NO) Reply

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  4. Q3) I feel naturally comfortable and safe expressing my feelings and needs to loved ones.

    NB: Answer YES or NO..

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  5. Q4) I feel very upset when others infringe on my need for space or time alone.

    NB: Answer YES or NO.

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    1. I enjoy being alone most of the time.

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    2. That is fine to have time alone...because it helps you debrief and maintain a state of emotional and mental freshness. The only issue would be when your sense of being alone is driven by fear, or a sense of secrecy based on a feeling of shame in the presence of others.

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  6. Q5) I am willing to work through challenges in a relationship before suddenly trying to leave the relationship itself. (If you're not in a relationship, think of how you would handle conflict in a partnership.)

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    1. I hardly put in work in a relationship if I have concluded it's not good for me.

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    2. That is right if you communicate from the word go what kind of a relationship you are setting yourself to so that if doesn't meet the threshold you are free to opt out so that you don't waste each other in trying to hold onto a relationship that is technically inexistent.

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  7. Q6) I tend to be out of touch with my emotions quite frequently.

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    1. It's hard to explain my emotions most of the time. Though I worry and be anxious almost every day.

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    2. This comes as a result of being used to responding to other peoples demands and expectations which makes you always feel apprehensive of what would be required of you the next meeting by the same person.

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  8. Q7) I am very attuned to others' needs and often put them before my own and resent it later.

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    1. I have assisted people in a certain way they couldn't do the same for me so I ended up resenting them for it.

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    2. There has to be a relationship that is based on healthy principles of engagement so that what you assisting the person is based on love and not doing it as means of bargaining for love. Do you see the difference?

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  9. Q8) I constantly want to be emotionally closer to my partner. This can also apply to my close friendships or romantic interests.

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  10. Q9) I am effective at compromising and communicating.

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    1. I'm not effective at comprising, it's either I will give in or choose not to have a discussion at all.

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  11. Q10) It is very difficult for me to set boundaries unless I am angry. I can sometimes set excessive boundaries and push people away too dramatically out of anger.

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    1. I take time before setting boundaries and when I do it, most of the time it's too late. I do it out of anger.

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  12. Q11) If I notice my partner showing any signs of coldness, I panic and want to get closer as quickly as possible. This often happens to me in friendships as well.

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  13. Q12) It is not uncommon for me to experience inward emotional turbulence throughout the duration of my romantic relationship. This applies to close family members as well.

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  14. 13) I often feel very hot or very cold towards my partner or family members. I tend to operate in extremes in how I relate to others.

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  15. Q14) I know that I am worthy of a healthy, happy relationship.

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  16. Q15) When I feel hurt by a loved one, I often have a strong fight or flight response. I find myself wanting to push this person as far away as possible. (Friends, family, romantic relationship).

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  17. Q16) I do not feel as though I need anything from my romantic partner or loved ones. It can be difficult to conceptualize how others would meet a lot of my needs.

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  18. Q17) I do not enjoy being out of romantic relationships. I often fear being alone.

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  19. Q18) If a loved one's behavior hurts me, I will express my feelings and try to understand what caused them to act that way.

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  20. Q19) I hunger for closeness, but I fear the emotional difficulty of it at the same time (friends, family, romantic partners).

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  21. Q20) I do not like making social plans with others in advance. I often fear being trapped by commitments with other people.

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  22. Q21) I find that setting boundaries comes naturally to me.

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  23. Q22) I focus much more on the relationships in my life than I do on myself.

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    Replies
    1. No that's not true...much on myself first

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  24. Q23) I often feel protective over my space, privacy and belongings.

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  25. Q24) I generally feel invaded when my partner or loved ones demand too much physical affection.

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  26. 25) I would prefer to spend most of my free time with my partner if I were to be in a romantic relationship. It would be hard for me to want to do things separately.

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  27. Q26) I feel that it is easy to be vulnerable with my romantic partner or loved ones.

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  28. Q27) I find that my partner or loved ones usually emotionally recover from conflict before I do.

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  29. Q28) I deeply fear being abandoned by my partner or love interests.

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  30. Yes, I don't like being alone.

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