5 Ways to Live Happily With a Toxic Mother

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 The mother-child relationship can be complicated but what do you do when the woman who should NURTURE and SUPPORT you is the SOURCE of your PAIN?

First, let me be clear all mothers make mistakes God knows I've made my fair share but mistakes and character flaws are two very different things. 


A mother can be TOXIC to her child when her TROUBLESOME behavior becomes so DEEPLY ingrained that she doesn't even realize the HARM that she's causing. 


TOXIC mothers have a way of never assuming Responsibility always putting all the BLAME on others and manipulating and they disguise it by saying I'm just trying to be a good mother.


When this happens even adult children are left terribly, confused they want so much to believe that their mothers are loving and nurturing but what they get instead is an onslaught of accusations that leave them feeling devastated without being able to truly pinpoint why.


So let's look briefly at what does and doesn't constitute toxic behavior your mother is not toxic simply because she DISCIPLINES you doesn't GIVE you what you WANT


DISAGREE with you has input into your life and has RULES she expects to be followed in her house.


However, if she does any of the following FIVE things regularly it suggests her behavior is a toxic one


01)-She's DISMISSIVE and DISREGARDING your feelings and needs. 


(02). She's emotionally UNAVAILABLE,


(03) She's emotionally BLACKMAILING,


(04). Controlling


(05). Critical. 


(06).COMPARING you to others 


(07).DISRESPECTFUL of your BOUNDARIES, 


(08). Manipulative


 (09). Often playing the VICTIM,


 (10). Self-centered, 


(11).UNAPOLOGETIC, 


(12). Blaming, 


(13). ATTACKING and 


(14). OBSESSED with putting on a good front.


Now this list is in no way exhaustive it's just a glimpse of the poor behaviors exhibited by TOXIC Mothers who disguise themselves as good. 


So what do you do when you want to LOVE your mother but her toxic behavior is leaving you in desperate need of an ANTIDOTE?. When in doubt we look to the BIBLE, it teaches us many things including; Five WAYS, to deal with a toxic mother. Let's talk about them. 

01.GRIEVE the LOSS

But she's still alive you say, well that may be true but DEATH is only one form of loss. Many with toxic mothers need to grieve the loss of a LOVING relationship with their mother as it will likely never be. Expecting it to CHANGE will likely only bring further HEARTACHE. Now I realize this can be painful to admit but God is close to the brokenhearted in [Psalm 27:10


He says even if my mother and father abandoned me the LORD will hold me close.

 (02).FORGIVE whether your mother knows her behavior is toxic or not.

Forgiveness is not for her it's for you. For one it keeps you in God's will and secondly it RELEASES you from carrying that burden if Jesus could forgive people he didn't know for something so horrific as NAILING him to a cross we too can FORGIVE others for their toxic behavior. 


JESUS said Father FORGIVE them for they do not know what they're doing. Just remember that because you forgive, you don't need to automatically TRUST. You can forgive but still have boundaries. 


(03). GET HEALING -

Your mother's toxic behavior is not a reflection of you even though it may have left you with DEEP Emotional WOUNDS, it shouldn't define you. Your IDENTITY should be in Christ not in the unrealistic expectations of others, Ephesians 2: 10, says that 


For we are God's handiwork created in Christ Jesus to do good works which God prepared in advance, for us to do. 

(04). SET REALISTIC expectations  

You will likely get HEALTHIER but this does not mean that your mother will change. Be prayerful that she does, but the bible says in Proverbs 13:12, 


Hope deferred makes the heart sick 

When someone shows you who they are you would be wise to believe them. Pray that she is open to allowing God to CHANGE her but in the meantime don't expect her behavior to change overnight. If there's been no REPENTANCE there will be no change. and


 (05) Set BOUNDARIES. 


Boundaries indicate where one person ends and the other begins. The fact that this woman is your mother does not give her the right to OVERSTEP your boundaries, and boundaries will look different for each person. 


For some learning how to declare their needs is all that's needed. For others, there may be forms of consequences and even avoidance.


In fact, I have another teaching I'll go ahead and include the link on how to set boundaries with a TOXIC MOTHER, so go ahead and take a look at that on more on how to actually set your boundaries the bible is clear in Romans 12:18


 If it is possible as far as it depends on you LIVE at PEACE with everyone. 


This means that you are responsible to do your part and let God do the rest. My friend, I pray that you will find peace and healing for your soul.

 

Are you struggling with the Toxic Mother, please let us know in the comments below so that we can pray for you, and maybe you need more help; well I want to invite you to grab a copy of my free TOXIC PEOPLE survival guide? 






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